I'm Sorry
by LastKnight3219
Summary: what may follow the season 3 finale
1. Chapter 1

TW: Suicide attempts

Takes place after season 3 finale

I own nothing

I'm Sorry

Emma turns from Regina, the full impact of what she has done still being absorbed.

"I'm sorry, I'm so so sorry Regina, I didn't know who she was" repeating the words over and over while in her head Regina's words are so loud, echoing and rebounding back. It feels like sledge hammers pounding against her brain from the inside out.

Knees buckling, grabbing a nearby table for support, suddenly nauseous a new thought emerges- _I may as well have ripped her heart out, there is NO forgiveness for this_

Realizing Regina has understandably left Granny's, Emma looks to the table where her parents are gazing fondly at Henry holding Neal. _I have to get Henry to Regina. She should NOT be alone. Why didn't anyone notice that Regina left? How much time has passed? Did no one see what awful thing I did? Does no one see Hood and Marian? Never mind, get Henry to Regina!_

Moving towards their table, Emma is intercepted by Hook.

"I distinctly remember telling you to leave that woman to her fate, love."

"Killian, now is not the time for 'I told you so'" Emma growls out, pushing past.

"Hey, kid. How about we head over to Regina's? Give Mom and Dad some alone time with Neal? Maybe we can see them again tomorrow after school." Surprisingly, her voice does not give away any of the inner turmoil.

"Oh! You are both leaving so soon? Why don't you come for dinner tomorrow?" Snow asks while taking Neal back from Henry.

"Yeah, maybe. Let me see what Regina has planned for Henry and I'll get back to you." Emma replies, bending over to kiss Neal goodbye.

"Okay, lets go kid" jingling her keys, Emma heads to the door with Henry following.

Neither say anything until they are in the Bug.

"Emma, what is going on? You know I don't have school tomorrow and Mom is not expecting me tonight."

"I accidentally really hurt Regina, Henry. I have done a terrible thing and I am sure she will not see or talk to me but she should not be alone right now. I need you to spend some time with her, ok?" Telling even this little bit aloud, Emma feels tears start to fall.

"What did you do? Never mind, you won't tell me. Do you want me to try to talk Mom into talking to you?"

"No, kid. As a matter of fact, I don't want you talking about me at all."

Starting up the Bug, they make the short drive in silence.

Parking outside the mansion, Henry is surprised when Emma gets out as well.

"You coming in?"

"No, I don't think that would be a good idea. I just wanted to give you a hug, that's all." Arms still wrapped around Henry, Emma murmurs "I will keep away for a few days, so don't worry about me. Take care of your Mom. You know I love you more than everything, right?"

"Yeah, Ma. I know. Now lemme go already"

Getting back in the Bug, Emma watches Henry walk up to the door and go inside.

_Ok, she's not alone. No way will she turn Henry away_. _Time to head back to our room at Granny's._

Back in the room at Granny's Emma takes off her boots, flops on the bed with a pen and a pad of paper.

"Umm, Mom? Can I ask you something?" Henry asks between mouthfuls of apple pancakes.

"Yes, dear. But please wipe the excess syrup off your mouth before you do."

"I don't want to upset you, but have you heard from Emma? It's been over a week."

"What do you mean? Has she not been texting or calling you?" Both eyebrows raised in surprise then lowered quickly.

"No. when she dropped me off, she said she would stay away. I guess that meant no calls or texts. I don't want to make you madder, but I am getting worried that something is wrong." Shy puppy dog eyes look up.

"I am not mad, Henry."

"Moom, come on, you won't even say her name. Or Ms. Swan. Or the Sheriff. Emma said…." The clatter of Henry's fork hitting against the plate as he clamps one hand over his mouth startles them both.

"I was furious, but not anymore. I assumed you had been receiving calls. Please tell me what was said, dear."

"Well, she said she hurt you on accident. That it was a terrible thing. That you should not be alone, I was supposed to take care of you. And she was crying. Then when she dropped me off, she hugged me for a really long time and said that she loved me more than everything." The longer Henry spoke, the quieter his voice became, and tears pooled in his eyes. "So why hasn't she called?"

"Oh, Emma" Regina sighed, coming around the kitchen table to hug Henry. "I don't know, dear, but I will try to find out."

Regina first calls Snow.

"Yes, hello Snow. Have you heard from you daughter lately?" _Keep it short, be civil_.

"Regina? No, not since they went camping. Is something wrong? Has Henry not called you?"

"And who might 'they' be, dear?" _insufferable woman_

_"_Emma and Henry, of course. Who else?"

"Did the one handed pirate go with them?" _it's like pulling teeth, how on earth does she teach?_

"Hook? No, he left town a week ago. Regina, is everything alright?"

"Yes, dear. Everything is fine. I am sorry, I have to take another call. Good day." _thank the gods that is over with_


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Where's Emma ?

Regina gathers up her keys and cell deciding that phone calls simply will not do.

"Henry, I am going to…run a few errands." _Not exactly a lie but very close. Looking for Emma may take a while and I don't know what I will find out._

"Are you going to look for…um….Ma?" Henry asks as he steps out of his room, controller in hand. "Because I wanna come too!"

"Henry, let me try to find her first. When I do I will call you, ok?" _If she left with that pirate, Henry will be devastated._

"Yeah, ok Mom. But can you call with…I dunno…updates or something? So I know where you are?"

"Yes, that is a good idea. I intend to be back around lunch time. Would you like something from Granny's?" _I want to talk to Ruby, her nose might come in handy._

_"_Burger & fries? Please? "

"Yes, alright." Quickly giving in with a tilt of her head and a short nod Regina continues "But we will be eating a healthy dinner, young man."

A quick drive to Granny's reveals a mundane main street. _Lets drive around back. Well she didn't drive away at least. _Parking next to the Bug, Regina tries to decide if it looks any different. _Same death trap on the outside. _Getting out of her Mercedes, Regina wonders_ Would Emma willingly leave without her car? _

The driver's door is unlocked and nothing seems out of the ordinary in the Bug, either. _Okay, lets check their room._

A quick wave defeated the door lock, revealing a standard if slightly messy room. It was obvious which bed was Henry's-made to Regina's standards. The other twin had been sat or laid upon, the comforter not flat and smooth, the pillows scrunched up at the headboard. But not like there had been a fight. Standing in the middle of the room, turning around slowly Regina did not see any blood, or any evidence that things were not as if Emma and Henry had just left. Nothing glaringly missing, either. _So, if something bad did happen, it did not happen here. _The nightstand, chest of drawers appeared undisturbed.

The tiny bathroom held the usual personal hygiene items.

Deciding to check the nightstand next to Henry's bed, Regina sees something peeking out from under a pillow. Reaching slowly for the pillow, holding her breath without knowing why, Regina's fingers brush across _it's an envelope, strange. _Pulling it out from under the pillow, it is marked For Henry in Emma's scrawl. _Ok. A letter or at least several pieces of paper. And something else._

Sitting down on the bed, Regina just holds the envelope, staring at it with dread. _For Henry. Gods, what is this? Should I read it? That will make Henry angry. But I need to know what is in this. It may tell me where Emma is. Lets open it._

Opening the envelope, out falls the keys to the Bug startling Regina. Leaving them on the floor, unfolding several pieces of paper, the top one also in Emma's handwriting:

Dear Henry,

I did not know when I gave you up that you would grow up to be such an amazing, wonderful, caring person. I had hoped (begged, pleaded to whatever god would listen) that you would not end up like me, bounced around, but to find yourself in a warm, loving HOME.

And it turns out that you did. Regina, despite her past, is a terrific Mom. One you should be eternally grateful for. I won't bore you with all the material things I had to do without, they don't really matter anyway when you weigh them against love. You have to know by now, with everything that has happened, that Regina loves you so fiercely and yet so tenderly that if it could be placed on a scale the weight of the Earth could not displace it. You are so lucky to be her kid.

It really was your best chance to be away from me. I was not ready to be an adult, much less a mother, and you would have suffered, I would have failed.

Having had some time to grow up a bit, you found me. Looking back now, it was the best birthday present ever. I know you think you found me to break the curse, but I think it was to save me.

Because of you, Henry, I got to meet and get to know you. And my parents. And lots of fairy tale characters/people who turned out to be much more than what was written about them. And last, but not least, I got to meet and get to know your Mother.

You are so important to me that I have decided to give you, with your Mother's permission, the Bug. The keys should be in here with the title (all legal now). Of course this means you will have to learn to drive a stick shift, but what better car to learn on than the Bug!

With all my love and hugs and kisses,

Emma

The other papers are the insurance, registration and title documents. Nothing else. _She left her beloved Bug to Henry! No hint as to why she left or to where or how to contact her. Why no contact information? Maybe she doesn't know where yet and will call Henry when she gets there. Maybe._

Looking around the room again, Regina searches for Emma's cell phone, wallet. Something she would normally not leave without. But neither are here. _What does that mean? Does it mean anything?_


	3. Chapter 3

I'm Sorry

Chapter 3

Not Here

_Check the trash can._ There are several crumpled up papers. Sitting back down on the bed, Regina starts to smooth them back out. Two Emma started to write to Regina with more scribbled out like a redacted secret military document so that the remaining words made little to no sense. A third had writing three quarters down the page which would have been legible if some liquid hadn't been spilled on it before it was crumpled up. _Tears, a lot of tears. Oh, Emma damn it. _And that was it. No more papers. _Lets go to the Sheriff's Station. _Carefully putting the pages back in the trash can, Regina stands making one more visual sweep before grabbing a pillow off Emma's bed, quickly bringing it to her face and inhaling Emma's scent.

Walking to the station _What if David is on duty? What are you going to tell him? Is he going to let you poke around in Emma's desk? Can't have Henry call him, he is supposed to be camping. _Cell phone out and dialing, listening for the telltale beeps for the call being transferred to the duty officers' cell. _Yes! Out of the office! _Quickening her pace Regina turns the corner- no patrol car parked outside.

Another lock defeated _another sign no one is here _Regina sits down in the Sheriff's chair. The desk top is the usual stacks of paperwork, in basket full as well. Opening the middle drawer slowly, Regina's breath catches. Cell phone. Powering it on, the wall paper photo of Henry laughing identifies it as Emma's. _I remember that day, we were picnicking at the park. _Pulling the drawer open fully _Her badge. Okay. We have the Bug, her cell and now her badge. Where is her sidearm? _Pocketing the cell and the badge, Regina checks the three drawers on each side, finding odd and ends as well as a secret stash of bite sized Hershey's chocolate.

The combination locked wall gun safe took a bit more effort as the locking mechanism was more intricate, but it clicked open just the same. Shotguns, rifles, ammunition for each…it appears that at least one box of ammo for the handguns is missing. Or at least there are nice, even stacks of every other kind of ammunition except for the handguns. _So Emma has her sidearm, one magazine loaded in the well and 2 spares for reload and a box of ammo. A lot of bullets…what for though? _

Retracing her steps back to Granny's, Regina calls Henry.

"Hello, dear. No, not yet. I've been to your room at Granny's and the Sheriff's Station. I am going to pick up our lunch. I'll be home soon and we can discuss other places to look. No, I haven't told anyone else. I thought I might speak with Ms. Lucas. Yes, I love you too. Goodbye, my prince."

Thankfully it is a bit early for lunch and there are only two customers drinking coffee, Regina notes as she makes her way to the counter.

"Regina, what can I get for you?" Cheeky smile and too much cleavage on display.

"Morning, Ruby. I would like a hamburger and fries and my usual grilled chicken salad, to go."

"Sure. So who's the burger for? I thought Snow said Emma and Henry went camping?" confusion rather than interrogation.

"I would like to talk to you about that, privately. Confidentially."

"Okay. Here? Or later?" concerned.

"Emma and Henry did not go camping. Henry is at home. Emma is…missing." Confiding in Ruby is easier than she thought it would be. "I have been to their room here and the Sheriff's Station. I have found her Bug, cell and badge. If Henry is correct, she has been gone over a week. 9 days to be exact. Can you still pick up scents that old?" _Cross your fingers for luck._

But Ruby is already shaking her head no. "That is too long for her scent to linger, and even if it wasn't, I would need a starting place. Where she was last, ya know?" Thinking quickly over what Regina has revealed, "Do you think someone did something TO her?" eyes narrowing, hand on the countertop curling into a fist.

"No, I have not found blood or signs of disturbance where I have already looked. I think Emma…" unable to finish the sentence Regina just trails off.

Ruby's eyes clear "This has to do with Emma bringing Marian here, doesn't it. That was 9 days ago. You were, um, shocked."

"Yes, I am afraid so. I think Emma is doing some sort of penance. For taking away my happiness." _Funny how that does not make me feel better. Someone doing self-punishment for me. Have to find Emma._

"Oh! Can't you do a, whatcha callit…location spell or something?" hopeful, bright eyes.

"No, I tried that already at home. Where ever she is, my magic does not 'see' her." Regina sighs and hangs her head.

"Well, she didn't go with Hook." Regina snaps her head back up at that. "He was in here all pissed off, trying to find her too. When Snow told him she had gone somewhere camping, he stomped out. I haven't seen him since. That was…a week ago exactly. So, unless he did do something to Emma and then came in here acting upset..."

"No, I don't think he would be smart enough to plant the things I have found." HA! _Emma didn't leave with that one handed, eyeliner wearing buffoon! Something to feel good about _smirking "Or that good of an actor, for that matter. Besides, I have personal experience fighting with Emma. She could have taken him." While a bland admission for Regina, Ruby looked intrigued.

"No, I will not divulge further information Ms. Lucas" the sting was taken away with a small smile.

"The only thing I can think of is the pier. Emma used to go there to get away from everyone and think. And here's your order. I put it on your tab." Handing over two sacks Ruby added "If I think of anything else, I'll call you. If you want some help, call me. Really. I'd be happy to." Sincerity practically dripped off Ruby's words.

"I understand. Thank you, Ruby."

Back in the Mercedes, Regina starts scrolling through text messages, phone logs. Nothing out of the ordinary. Accidentally tapping the Photos icon instead of Contacts, Regina is surprised by the first one that pops up. _It's_ _a picture of me, sleeping…when? Must have been after a dinner at home. That is my couch. _Curious now, the next photo is a close up of _my face, sleeping. Must be the same time as the other one. _Scrolling through the rest of the photos, Regina finds herself and Henry. _Although it appears that there are more of me than Henry. What does that mean?_

Back at home, lunching with Henry, Regina explains in more detail where she had been. But does not give Henry his letter._ Lets look at the pier first. Or that bench that overlooks the water that we sit watching Henry play with Pongo. Yes. The bench. Where else?_

"Where else might I look, Henry? Where are her special places? Someplace you two have gone, perhaps?" _Yes- calm, cool, logical._

"There was the castle but that is gone. We would go to movies and Granny's. Most of the time you were with us Mom." Frowning Henry worriedly picks at his fries.

"It is okay, I have two more places to check and maybe on the way I will think of someplace else." Cleaning up the remains of their lunch, Regina stands up, kissing Henry's bowed head as she passes to the trash can.

"Sweetheart, we will find her. I know she is here in Storybrooke. Why don't you watch a movie and have some popcorn while I am out?" protecting Henry is second nature but this proving to be difficult for both of them.

The pier is devoid of any clues. No trash, no big X-marks-the-spot-Emma-was-here.

The bench _our bench_ brings back memories. _I can see Emma sitting here. Sitting with one leg underneath her, turned slightly towards me but still able to watch Henry and Pongo play, breeze through her hair, big smile, the sun picking out highlights in her eyes. In a word. Gorgeous._

Reining in her memories, focusing on why she is here now, Regina sees ?footprints? on the beach. Almost running down the stairs, onto the beach, she has to slow down. _Heels were not a good choice for beach going. _Moving carefully to the marks in the sand, Regina can plainly see the marks left from someone walking from the water apparently towards the stairs. The prints fade out as the sand lessens. Going back to the deeper prints _I would know the tread marks of those godforsaken boots anywhere. I have cleaned them off my floors to many times not to. But I don't see any going to the water. Just from. Why would Emma have gone into the water with her boots on?_


	4. Chapter 4

I'm Sorry

Chapter 4

AHA!

Sitting back on the bench, Regina thinks about what she has found. _I know where the Bug is. I know she left it for Henry. I have the letter to Henry as well as her cell and badge. No signs of foul play. Emma didn't leave with the pirate. My magic cannot locate her. I believe she is still in Storybrooke. At some point her boots, at least, were in the water and on the beach. Emma has her sidearm and a lot of ammunition. Emma lied to Snow about going camping with Henry. THINK!_

"No. No no no no, she wouldn't have." _Left her precious Bug to Henry. Left her cell. Left her badge. Lied to give herself time for whatever she was really going to do. Was in the water!_

"Gods, Emma. You didn't try to drown yourself, did you ?" one hand clutching her seemingly not beating heart, the other covering her eyes, head bent down, trying to be as small as possible.

_But the footprints indicate she LEFT the water, on her own. Maybe she went out in the sea but changed her mind. She came ashore! _

Able now to breathe, heart beating again Regina realizes that she may not find Emma alive. Not after nine days. But the determination to find her is stronger now. _Where would she go?_

_Not into the forest. Emma hated the Enchanted Forest. Where could she go that my magic can't…_

"My crypt! Of course! All the protection spells I have placed on it…." _Genius Emma. One of the most fortified places. Please let her have not forbidden me entry._

Hurrying back to the Mercedes, Regina debates whether to call Henry. _I don't want him to get his hopes up. I don't want him to show up there. I don't know for certain that Emma is there. I don't know what condition Emma maybe in. Lets wait._

The drive takes no time at all. Not because Regina uses magic. It is because her body is on autopilot driving while her mind plays back memories of Emma. Tears fall unheeded while "Please be there and alive" tumbles out, over and over.

Parking as close as possible Regina isn't sure her feet even touch the ground before she is inside, tripping the secret latch to swing the sarcophagus aside, and revealing the stairs. _Good, Emma did not bar my entry. _A deep breath later she is down the stairs, lighting the candles with a wave of her hand. Trying to take in every detail, to see if her things have been disturbed, wishing she had not made it so big.

Room to room to room detecting nothing amiss. Panic starting to well up. _Gods, if she is not here what is next? Where else to look? _

Finally, in the last room- Emma! _But she is not awake. _Kneeling down, reaching to check for a pulse. _Warm. She is warm. And breathing. _

_Thank you, thank you, thank you! _

Taking in the sight of Emma sitting on the floor against the wall, breathing. Her hair is a tangled mess, red leather jacket zipped all the way up, jeans torn at one knee with a small dried blood stain, the boots still have some sand on the sides.

Pain from one knee makes Regina aware that she is kneeling on something. Picking up her knee to move the offending item _it's a shell casing. Brass, I think it's called. A __spent__ shell casing. Emma fired her weapon in here. _Standing up Regina sees that there are several spent casings on the floor. The smell in the air must be gunpowder._ Not several. Lots of spent casings. But there is no one else here. What was she shooting? Where?_

Looking around more closely there are no bullet holes in the walls. Or the paintings. Or the furniture. Or the books and whatnot on the shelves. There is an empty bottle of scotch. And a broken chair. And damaged razor blades. Standing by the remains of the smashed chair, Regina looks up. A rope. Hanging down with what looks like a frayed noose. Tied off around a wall sconce.

Going back to Emma, Regina decides to try to rouse her. _First things first_. Conjuring a chaise, which will be much more comfortable than the concrete floor for both of them, then levitating Emma onto it. Bottled water is next. An IV would be better and if Emma won't wake one will be needed sooner rather than later. Food will have to wait.

Now that Emma is lying down, a thick angry red blistering raw welt is apparent running under her jaw from ear to ear. _The rope_. Wondering what other injuries are hidden under the jacket, Regina carefully unzips and removes it. There are multiple angry red grooves running up each arm from wrist to elbow. _The razor blades_. Pulling up the hem of the untucked tank top, there are circular bruises…about the size of a fifty cent piece…some are very close to one another, some are separate…some look like multiple bruises layered one atop each other…_this is soft tissue damage. From being shot while wearing a bullet-proof vest. Remember that video that came with the new vests? Better broken ribs than a through-and-through._

Unable to stand any longer with the images of what Emma has done to herself flashing in her mind, Regina perches on the edge of the chaise.

Not knowing which of the various injuries to try to heal first, Regina just starts with the nearest bruise, holding her hand an inch or so above Emma's flesh while concentrating, willing her magic out gently. _I had forgotten how our magic combines, magnifies. _With the boost from Emma's magic the bruising on her torso was fading quickly…all of them. _Even unconscious, undirected her magic is so strong. _Glancing up to the nasty welt left by the rope Regina is pleased to see it has faded already to a thin pink line. Tapering off on the amount of magic going into Emma, concerned about overloading her system in her physically weakened state, Regina moves her hand from her torso to the nearest arm and…the cuts are completely gone.

"Thirsty" One whisper soft arid word.

"Here, let me help you sit up." Quickly opening a bottle of water, holding it to Emma's lips "Small sips, that's it…let that settle before you try more."

"Hurts" a bit louder, clearer.

"Where? Show me where it hurts."

"Leg…water"

"Here, remember-sips."

After letting Emma take a few more sips, Regina pivots to face Emma's feet. The dried blood stain at the knee is dry no longer. Nor small. Tearing the hole wider, Regina's eyes widen and she barely restrains a gasp. A piece of the chair had been embedded in the leg starting just above the knee reaching up to mid-thigh like a splinter. But this 'splinter' is about an inch in diameter. _Our combined magic must have started to push it out._ Hovering her hand over the protruding end of the splinter, Regina first pictures the area becoming numb, then "seeing" the splinter pulled smoothly all the way out. Switching back to healing magic, the blood flow slows. Moments later wound is closed.

"Thanks, better" raspy but much stronger.

Pivoting back to face Emma, Regina watches her take a deep breath, then sniff the air.

"Regina? Are you really here? Or is this my wishful imagination again? Just to see you one more time…to have your breathtaking smile wash over me would be the greatest gift…but that is not to be. I hope to die soon..." tears streaming from still closed eyes.

"Yes, Emma I am here. Please, dear, open your eyes," pleading "Open your eyes for me."

"Kay, but I know you are not here…last person you want to see…woulda been kinder to kill you than bring her back…I didn't know, I didn't know…no excuse, though…thought I was helping…one less death on your hands…just another in a long list of stupid things I have done…s'okay. I am at peace, I accept that I am trash, disposable, replaceable…no, no more about me…OH GOD! Did I tell you I hurt Regina? I did. I hurt her, terribly. Must go away…die" impossibly there are even more tears.

Trying to keep her voice from betraying any emotion, Regina tries again. "Emma, I am here…please open your eyes."

"No, you're not. With Henry. Where you should be." Flat, defeated. But her eyes open. "Gotta be hallucinating."

"I know you dropped Henry off with me. But then what happened? Tell me Emma, please"

"You smell like Regina…her magic…apples and spices. I miss that…her." Eyes open but not focusing. _This must be what they mean by 1,000 yard stare._

"Your magic smells like sunshine after the rain. It is me, Emma. What happened? What did you do?" trying a cajoling tone.

"Had to get Henry to you…important you not be alone. Hurt you. Went to write note for Henry. Left badge I no longer deserved. No need for cell…no one to call. Walked to beach. Sat on the bench. Long time. Thinking. Remembering. Thought it would be better if no body to clean up. Let sea take me. Drink?"

"Yes, right here." Helping Emma take more sips. "Not too much. Can you hold the bottle?" Relieved that Emma can hold the bottle and is speaking coherently despite thinking she is a hallucination Regina lets Emma have all the sips of water she wants.

"Did you know witches float? Salem witch trials got that right. At least for me. Walked until I couldn't…swam and swam as far as I could…started to go under…thought it was over. Chest hurt as went deeper…think I passed out. Then was floating back to shore. Turns out my magic won't let me drown. What to do now?"

Although Emma's voice is stronger, it is clear that this robotic recounting is a matter of fact play by play. There are no more tears.

"I see. Then what happened?"

"Walked back to room. Got sidearm, extra magazines. Box of ammo. Supposed to go to range to requalify. Thought for…awhile. Drank some scotch. Razor blades. Rope from Bug. Where to go? Where? Don't want to be gruesome mess for anyone to clean up. Not forest. Eaten by animals…gross. Be alone. Inside…someplace"

Watching Emma finish the bottle of water, Regina quickly swaps out the empty for a full, opened bottle.

"Crypt. Started walking. Drinking. Thinking. No forgiveness. Hurt Regina. Must atone. Finally arrive. Go to furthest room. No one would look there, not for me. New baby…take my place. Never really had a place…didn't fit…too old for parents. Did my duty, broke curse. Everybody happy…but not Regina. Want Regina happy. Fucked up. Hurt Regina. Took away her happy ending. Done now. No need for me anymore. Remembered foster home where little girl cut wrists…but wrong way…across not lengthwise. Razor blade. Try to go deep, bury blade in…wrist to elbow. Nothing. Try again. Again. Again. Again. Blade bent. No blood. Damned magic. New blade. Try other arm. Push hard. Harder. Again. Again. Again. Can't even do this right. Go find chair. Tie noose. Toss it over beam. Tie it off. Stand on chair, noose around neck, push chair with feet. Neck hurts. Getting hard to see. Darker. Then falling. Despair. Failure. Magic frayed rope. Leg hurts...arms hurt…neck hurts…doesn't matter. Nothing like Regina hurts." Emma finally pauses to drink. Regina is grateful for the quiet, for the images to fade from her mind's eye, but dreads what is coming next.

"Sit over against wall. Try shooting myself. Hurts. No blood. Try shooting different place. Try shooting several times, different places rapidly. Angry not working. Empty clip. Reload. Empty Clip. Reload. Reload now empty magazines. Hurts. No blood. No wounds. No good. Decide to try starving. Wait for death to come."

"Emma, you don't have to die. I am not angry with you anymore. Let me take you home."

"Home? Home? I have no home, just places to sleep. Leave me here." Still in the robotic tone.

"Yes you do have a home, people who love you" Regina pleads reaching to touch

Seeing the movement Emma's eyes suddenly focus, "Don't touch me!" the shout echoes.

"Why shouldn't I touch you?" brokenly whispered.

"Don't you know? When we touch, even in anger, you feel like home to me. Where I am supposed to be…safe…where I matter…worthy of affection…not the Savior…not the Sheriff…not the White Knight…just me…and I no longer deserve your touch."


	5. Chapter 5

I'm Sorry

Chapter 5

"Alright Emma. I will not touch you. But you do have people who love you. Your parents, Hook, and Henry will be devastated if you do this. People who care about you- Granny, Ruby, Grumpy, Archie, and Belle all come to mind with little thought. I am certain there are others, people you have helped that I am not aware of. And you have to admit the majority, if not all, of the town at least like you for breaking the curse. You will be sorely missed." _Never expected that I would have to say that pirates name and the word love so close together._

"Oh, please. My parents have a new baby that they get to raise. Named him Neal. I guess that was nice. I had to talk long and hard for them to not name him Daniel. Talk about cruel. And thoughtless. Anyway. Henry has always had you, even when he was being a little shit. You make a better parent than anyone I have ever met. As for Hook- he was a distraction at best. I tried, but kissing was as far as I could stomach. Since Snow can no longer push me at Neal, Hook is the next 'best' for me. Just someone else to hand me off to."

Regina can almost taste the bitterness from Emma's tone. _Yet another thing we have in common_-_pushy mothers. Really, neither name should have been considered. Thoughtless, indeed._

"I don't want Henry wondering what he did or didn't do that caused you to do this. I don't want to have to explain that I found you and left you to die. Especially as I have already forgiven you for the incident in question." _Guilt with a twist._

"What? There is NO forgiveness for what I did, ever. I hurt you, lost your trust…lost your friendship." Tears begin falling anew.

"No, Emma. I admit, I was furious at first. Yet another person meddling in my affairs. But once I let myself think about how I felt about Robin…I allowed the idea of having a soul mate to override all other considerations. I want to choose- not leave my happiness to fate, fairy dust or a lion tattoo."

"That does not excuse that I hurt you, something I had hoped to never do again."

"Emma, people hurt one another every day. Some do so on purpose, some by accident. You and I, I am sorry to say, will hurt each other from time to time. I believe we have been through enough that these hurts can be overcome. Now please, let's go, let me take you home."

"Wait, before you go or disappear…" Emma closes her eyes, lips moving soundlessly as she reaches into her own chest, removes her heart and casually tosses it at Regina. "Take this with you, it has belonged to you for a long time anyway."

"EMMA!" Eyes on the warm heart, Regina holds it gently, carefully cupped in both hands. Never has a heart beat so strongly, glowed so brightly, not even Henry's. Becoming accustomed to the light, the scars from heartbreak are like a metropolitan roadmap. _Regret is so pervasive but underneath is love. So much love, yearning to be given. For Henry, Snow, David…and for me, most of all for me. _

Returning the heart to its owner, Regina leaves her hand resting on Emma's chest allowing her own tears to fall. Only then does she realize Emma is unconscious again.

_I can care for her better at home. _When the smoke clears, they are both gone.


End file.
